Many new cases of CRS (Can’t Remember Stuff) and HAR (Hallucinate Alternate Realities), have been reported through the San Juan Island, especially Orcas Island, as well as through the Northwest and perhaps the nation.
“Where are my keys?”
“How do I get to the Post Office?”
“On which isle is the chocolate?”
“How do I get home from here?”
These and many similar symptoms are being heard locally and throughout the region. People over 50 seem to be particularly susceptible to this growing epicemic.
“We’re seeing more and more people driving around lost and confused”, said police officer Bill Kruptky. “We’ve stopped asking for driver’s license and proof of insurance for drivers over 50 because we know they don’t remember to bring them. We just give them direction to where they think they are going and then escort them to their presumed destination.”
Merchants are frustrated by the many customers who don’t remember to bring their credit cards or don’t remember their debit card PIN. Postmasters have noticed an increase in people not remembering to put stamps on letters. Webmasters have noticed a big increase in older people not remembering their passwords and also not remember where they wrote down the passwords.
There is also an increase in the number of thin pets, who were once fat due to pet owners not remembering to feed them. Emergency pet food has had to be delivered in several sad cases.
Librarians are not remembering the Dewey Decimal System, so book often end up on the wrong shelves. Winos are even not remembering to buy their Chateau Le Box and are now seen suffering from the DTs in public areas.
Seahawk Fans are not only not remembering to wear their “12” apparel, but are also inquiring local merchants for “13s” or “11s”.
Yes, CRS is now a serious threat to our community’s way of life and perhaps survival.
Then to make matters worse, another disease, HRS or Hallucinate Alternate Reality, is starting to show up in our community, our region and perhaps throughout the world, especially in the White House. Victims of this terrible, confusing disease perceive events, memories and environments that don’t exist. These victims can be spotted stopping their cars in the middle of the street for no apparent reason, standing in line at the movie theater when there is no movie currently scheduled, wandering around Orcas Island looking for a place to get an inexpensive lunch, gazing at real estate advertisements looking for affordable homes, or stetting foreign policy that makes no sense at all. One recently diagnosed victim said, “Who are you people and what are you doing in my car?”, while sitting at a pew in church.
The truly pathetic victims have both CRS and HAR. They can’t remember where they parked their car and then search around for a car dealer on-island to sell them a new one. Or when they can’t remember where they live, then search out an emaciated cat or dog and give them their house keys and instructing the confused animal to find home. One victim stated, “I can’t remember who I voted for, but this new administration sure seems to know what it is doing.”
Yes, these new diseases can truly be dreadful.
Top physicians and scientists are looking for a cure or vaccine, but to date have not been successful.
The only known treatment or relief from CRS is to keep a little pocket notebook to record where everything is located and a daily log of where to go and why it is important to go there. The only known treatment for HAR is to pay close attention to your cell-phone or computer to frequently check what is real and what is not. Avoid Yahoo News and White House news releases.
And if you’re unfortunate to have both CRS and HAR, all you can do is hire a 24 hour keeper.
If you or a loved one suffers from either or both of these diseases, contact the CRS-HAR hot line at 1-800-Get-Real or go to www.upperleftcoast.com for more information.