The first known case of the dreaded Covid-19 being spread during a Zoom conference was discovered in Sunomishicum, Washington.
While playing e-charades with friends, Betsy Fumblejupmnesscumquatsparrow (not her real name) contracted this new plague from her previous best friend Alan
Fartcrackerrumbletoast (not his real name). While trying to act out “Vitamin Stuck Up Your Nose”, Alan accidentally sneezed on his monitor. The virus quickly entered the Internet via his PC and infected all the other players. “There is just no other explanation for how Betsy and the others all got the virus at the same time”, said Bill Williamsburgpancakewonderpebble (not his real name), director of the Washington State Institute of Infectious Disease Vectors (not his real job).
Now Corvid-19 has crossed the barrier between organic viruses (viri) and computer viri (viruses). One possible explanation is the disgusting habit of sneezing on one’s keyboard. Apparently, the organic virus was able to penetrate the inner architecture of the computer and then spread among “friends”. Due to this mutation, scientists (several of them) have named this new form Corvid-54 for no apparent reason.
Here is the first picture of the new contageon.
Note the clever lettering meant to confuse and disorientate the victim’s white blood cells, who upon encountering this pathogen, quickly try to call 911 but being single cells, are not able to dial. Apparently what is needed is a white-blood-cell-phone. Samsung is already working on it. Apple is standing by to copy it.
So in conclusion, the public needs to be aware of this new threat and take appropriate precautions. If people insist on contacting each other via Zoom, they are advised to:
- Cover entire body with vegetable lard. This will confuse and disorientate the airborne virus.
- Cover entire computer with aluminum foil, except for a clear plastic screen cover.
- Hold breath while playing charades via Zoom (all participants). Breathing breaks may be taken as needed.
- Speak either in random syllables or French. This will further confuse and disorientate the parasite.
- Continue to stay isolated as much as possible, avoiding all direct human contact, except uncontrollable bar trolling on weekends.
Scientists are working on both an antibody test and a vaccine. Neither will work in central United States due to lack of belief, however, citizens on both coasts are expected to survive and thrive.
President Trump has assured us all that this is not a real threat, despite the thousands of deaths recorded so far, and is strongly recommending Snakoilizone as a remedy. “Hey, what have you got to lose??”